i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
