And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
