i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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