i jhust puked up my retainher.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
