I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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