The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
