So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
