If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
