So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize