evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Non-Jews are for practice
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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