yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
