should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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