it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
