I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
