The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
