Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
