I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
