I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
