i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
