you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
