Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
