tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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