just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
