Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
