I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
