She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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