I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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