I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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