You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
