Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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