i just wanna soil my oats bro
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
