even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
