you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
