if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
