I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
