we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
