He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
