Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
