Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
