she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
