How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
