you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
