saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
