highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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