my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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