Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize