She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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