my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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