I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
