I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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