i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
