just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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