Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
