every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he was CRYING into my vagina
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
