She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
