oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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