like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
