can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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