I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
