i just google imaged poop.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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