Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i permit you to call me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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