make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
