My pussy is not your playground.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
