Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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