I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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