I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
