"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
In other news, I just burned my penis
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
