I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
