Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
