i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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