I got chris browned last night
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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