hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
