This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
