you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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