did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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