I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
