he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
