tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
